My Birth Experience

 Hello! I'm Lauren. Welcome to my Mommy Blog, where I share my personal experience as a first-time mom, just for fun. This post is about my birth experience, so it may contain some gory details that some audiences may not appreciate. Reader discretion advised. As always, this is my personal experience (my perspective and what I remember from it a month later), so please keep any comments respectful - and feel free to share your experiences as well!

My pregnancy was pretty much uneventful. No real issues, save for not being able to perform at my work later on in term. It was nice that my checkups were pretty straightforward. There was one scare in my third trimester that required an additional two-hour monitoring of my baby's heartrate because during the non-stress test, I guess she moved out of the monitor's range for 3 minutes and when she was monitored, her heartrate was in the 60s. At the time, after the additional monitoring, they said it was a blip and she must have moved out of the monitor's range, but with her being born and having a resting heartrate in the 60s, I wonder if it was accurate. Oh well, she's healthy now and that's all I care about. So, thankfully an uneventful pregnancy.

Christian and I had decided we wanted an unmedicated birth (well, I decided and Christian was supportive of my decisions 100% - he was happy and impressed that I decided to go unmedicated). We wanted the best for our baby with zero risks. I know epidurals are considered safe and they also offer fentanyl which is considered safe for baby as well, but there are always risks associated with them and we were unwilling to accept these risks. Any percent risk is not no risk, so as long as I could, I would go unmedicated. I also had someone in my life that had five unmedicated births and she was a strong believer that it was the way to go, so I decided to give it a try (I was nervous because I don't tolerate pain very well, at least I believe I don't).

I didn't really delve into the birth plan with my doctor all that much; I had a general idea of what I wanted, based on what I was reading and looking up. However, I will say that a lot of what I read online with how bad certain things are, I found really weren't that big of a deal (for instance: having an augmented labor with Pitocin was really not that bad for me, though to be fair, I don't have anything to compare it to, so I can't be the best judge on it; giving my newborn a pacifier did not create nipple confusion for my child; and giving birth on my back was not horrible, though I was turned on my hip a little bit so it may have been in an adequate position for my tailbone to move). Although I never had a formal discussion with my doctor about my birth plan, she did do things in the way I wanted, either due to hospital policy or because she was up to date on the best methods. I did speak some of my preferences during labor and they accommodated. I stated my desire to have an unmedicated birth to the nurses and when it was time to push, I told the doctor that I didn't want to be on my back (which, they still had me position mostly laying on my back, but I had my hips turned a little - and it all worked out smoothly). Overall, I appreciated what went down in the delivery room.

We went to the last scheduled doctor's appointment knowing that would be the day we had our baby. I had a few appointments within a few days' time because my fluids were low and my placenta was calcifying so they were monitoring me closely in the last few days. At my second-to last appointment, my fluids were low so we were offered three options: 1) go for additional all-day monitoring in the hospital with IV fluids; 2) go to the hospital and be induced that day which may take 24 hours or more for things to get moving enough to deliver; or 3) go home, drink plenty of fluids, rest, and come back in three days to check fluids again. Of course I chose option 3. With that appointment going as it did, we were prepared to go home with a baby at our next appointment, so it wasn't a surprise. Plus, while I was resting and drinking fluids, I started to have contractions 10 minutes apart (starting two days before my appointment/delivery day). At the last appointment, I pretty much had non-existent fluids, but the doctor said baby was still healthy. She told me she may be 6-7 pounds, based on what she could tell from the ultrasound, but she of course couldn't say for sure. I was just concerned about her being too small; we anticipated an 8 pound baby because both of her parents were around there.

We were taken to the delivery room and told to make ourselves comfortable. I wasn't really sure how to do that in a hospital with the anticipation of a big and painful event, but I did my best. I was shaking with nerves (and maybe some other hormones). I made the mistake of not having eaten breakfast, which was a huge mistake because I recall saying how hungry I was on several occasions during delivery. Christian had gotten me a chocolate shake (my favorite), but got so excited about the appointment he left before they gave him the breakfast sandwich that he ordered for me ;) I was a bit too anxious at my appointment to drink much of it, but once my doctor said we're getting augmented and no food or drink is allowed/recommended, I chugged my chocolate shake and hoped for the best. (I had asked her if I could get something to eat first and she discouraged it, but did give the approval for me to down my drink if I did it right then - I know you can go against the doctor's recommendation, but it was my first baby and I didn't want to go against the doctor's recommendation, just in case anything were to happen.)

I paced in the delivery room for a while and climbed in the bed when the nurse came in to hook up the external monitors. I texted my family that I was going to be augmented and leave the hospital with a baby; my mom requested an hourly update either via text or call and I rapidly declined that request, as I would be busy focusing on my delivery. I didn't give any further updates until Christian texted everyone a picture of our brand new baby, and even then I ignored my phone and focused on us. They placed the IV catheter in and started fluids. About two hours after entering the delivery room, they started the Pitocin.

Because I was nervous and my sister-in-law gave me a circuit to go through to help with the labor, I was moving around in the bed a lot. I'm sure I made things difficult for the nurses and monitoring the baby, but they were all very kind and readjusted the monitors to work in the position I was in. I even mentioned that I could change positions (I was in a downward facing dog position at the time because it felt right) and the nurse encouraged me to do what was comfortable, stating that she'll work around me. I appreciated that immensely. Some of the nursing staff even gave me a peanut ball to use upon Christian's request. When the contractions started getting bad (at 4 cm), I made Christian call my sister-in-law to see if she ever received Pitocin in her deliveries and find out how she coped. She had and she encouraged me to go through the circuit she sent me. Christian then helped me work through the circuit, telling me which position to go into and for how long.

Because I had fluids going into my veins, I needed to urinate semi-frequently. It started getting more difficult to walk around, so of course Christian was right there for me. At one point, I ran out of ice water and requested more. Christian was ready to go get me some, but I, perhaps a bit forcefully, said the nurse can do it because he needed to stay by my side. He had been coaching me and breathing with me, being the best advocate for me, and doing everything I didn't even know I needed. If I had a plan on what I wanted him to do during my delivery, I would have been disappointed - he was that amazing with knowing exactly how to support me. He encouraged  me to breathe, and when I didn't know how to do it on my own, he showed me how by breathing with me. At one point, we did a practice run between contractions because yes, it does get so intense that you forget how to breathe. 

One of the older nurses came in, as I'm moaning and groaning through contractions, and asked me why I didn't want medications. Christian and I had discussed this on numerous occasions throughout the pregnancy and we both felt great about not getting any drugs, so he knew what I wanted. I was busy dealing with the contractions and Christian was trying to advocate for my desires (I would guess while not trying to sound as if he's speaking for me, like it's his choice - it's my choice, he just knows what it is and can speak to it better than I could at the time because like I said, I was busy). Of course though, the nurse was talking to me so I had to answer. The only thing I could say, however, was: "Drugs are bad, 'mkay." The nurse proceeded to state that many people blame epidurals for issues, but they're very safe. In my mind though, I'm thinking, any risk is not no risk - and I'm unwilling to take on any risk. Christian knew my thoughts on the matter and attempted to relay it. I may have asked about the fentanyl because by this point, the part I couldn't bare, my body was pushing and they told me not to. The only reason I didn't get fentanyl at that point is because I worried the pain would get worse and the drugs would run out at the most inopportune moment - then I'd be blindsided by the pain instead of it gradually increasing in intensity. Sorry child of mine, but that's the real reason I declined fentanyl in my moment of weakness. The only other thing I could tell the rambling nurse was, "I'll think about it," to try to get her to stop talking about it.

This was also really the only moment I felt abashed by the nursing staff, when this nurse was trying to push drugs onto me, as if to say, 'shut up and take your medicine - you're being way too dramatic.' Yes, I was loud in my groaning through contractions, but I was allowed to express myself and release my pain/emotions. Christian afterwards reassured me, saying I was totally fine and that nurse was too pushy. He also mentioned, after the delivery, a few other things I wasn't aware about. During this time in delivery, he kept telling me to breathe and trying to get me to breathe. I thought I was, but apparently I wasn't because he told me (afterwards) that my face was pale and my lips were blue. He told me another nurse came in the room and immediately put an oxygen mask on me, which was absolute bliss and helped me immensely. He said that if the rambling nurse wasn't in the room, we would have been much better off. (Now I know that we can request nursing staff that support unmedicated births, so we'll be doing this if we have another child. Everyone else supported my unmedicated birth, but this one seemed to try to convince me to take drugs and didn't seem to care about my pain/blue lips unless I took drugs.) 

At one point, they took away my oxygen mask. I had requested it back at one point (or more), thinking, you want to give me drugs so much, my drug of choice is oxygen! But the nurse "explained" to me that oxygen is considered a drug [I know] and they need to monitor/restrict the amount given. I understood this and I know oxygen is poison, but if they were pushing drugs onto me, I'd take oxygen over fentanyl or an epidural. They didn't seem to follow my logic (even though this was an argument in my head because I was too focused to talk). They did begrudgingly allow me the oxygen mask again for a little bit, I think after the delivery. The mask felt different on my face and I asked for the first mask again. It was the same mask. I didn't believe them until Christian told me it was. For some reason, the first time felt like it had holes in it that made my wasted air easier to expel and the second time it felt like it was a closed mask (it was) that made me rebreathe my carbon dioxide. I guess I really didn't need it as much the second time.

When I told Christian that my body was pushing on its own, he called the nurse in and requested for them to check my status. They were hesitant to because of the risk of infection, but I was struggling. They did check and told me I was 7 centimeters (maybe about an hour after reporting 4 cm). They told me not to push and to breathe through the contractions. There was no physical way not to push; I kept asking them, "how not?" and they'd tell me to breathe. Like that helped. The doctor came in moments later and reported 9 cm and gave me the go ahead to push when I needed. If I had to suffer through one more pushing contraction where they told me not to push, I would have requested drugs - that was the only intolerable part that I couldn't bare. (I went through three excruciating rounds of these, each one causing the expulsion of some liquid - I thought urine but Christian says it wasn't and he didn't seem to notice it either, I think.) The rest was no picnic, but it was tolerable. I didn't want to tear, so I tried to listen to them when they told me not to push. (I still tore a little, the doctor said 2.) I couldn't 'breathe through it' so I screamed - but my body still pushed. When the doctor gave me the green light, she told me not to scream. I asked if I could (thinking I couldn't help it), but she said it was wasted effort. I did as she instructed and held my breath for 10 seconds to push.. I was thankful for the nurse's counting. With every push, I thought my baby was born, but she wasn't. It took 5 rounds of contractions where I was intentionally pushing with the contractions to deliver her. The first round or two of pushing, the doctor announced that she was in position. I wonder if the circuit I did helped move her into position faster. It was way faster than I initially thought it would take; I thought we'd be there all night and into the morning. From start to finish (being admitted in the delivery room to holding my baby), it took about 6-8 hours.

I had my eyes closed from the time my body started pushing (or before) until the doctor announced she was coming and told me to open my eyes. I didn't have my glasses on, so I saw what looked like a pale brain from a jar, which confused me - I thought she was the placenta and I knew that wasn't right. Then I saw the shape of her head (like a cone) and I worried about it until the doctor said that was normal and won't stay like that. I don't remember this, but Christian tells me I demanded for my baby to be on my chest three times and apparently I was pulling her towards me while the doctor told me she's still attached. Woops. I could feel the cord, but I paid it no mind. I did make a point to watch Christian cut the cord. The doctor invited him over and he skipped on over, a giant grin on his face as he snipped it. Delivering the placenta was easy; the doctor pretty much just pulled it out. I thought it was going to be another birthing ordeal. I'm glad it wasn't. The doctor offered to show us the placenta and we took her up on the offer. I didn't realize baby was inside the placenta. Very fascinating.

Also, let me just say that I'm the type of person that never wanted to be pregnant or go through the delivery process. I always wanted children and I love them, however the human body disgusts and embarrasses me (when it's my body - I've been a caretaker and I'm not embarrassed by other people's bodily functions), so I wanted to skip the whole pregnancy/birth thing and just have my baby in my arms. Once the pain of delivery hit, embarrassment goes out the window and the only thing you can focus on is getting through it. Now, I'm less embarrassed about my body, especially since I'm breastfeeding. Also the mom vibes are strong and the stereotypes are real. On like the second car ride she was on, someone nearly merged into us and I was prepared to knock that driver to the ground if she would have crashed into us. Thankfully my level-headed man was watching her too and maneuvered the car to avoid collision.

Overall, my birth experience was indeed magical - and I couldn't have done it without Christian by my side, supporting me better than I could have dreamed. His voice was the one that stood out in the delivery room. Everyone else was a whispering ghost. He breathed with me the way the doctor instructed, showing me how it's done. He relayed my desires when I couldn't find my voice. He fought for me when I needed something that the nursing staff wasn't giving me. He even took the first picture and notified everyone of our baby's birth. I couldn't imagine a more perfect, supportive partner.

I would 100% recommend an unmedicated birth if you're considering it. The process was quite fast, you're able to feel when you need to push, and personally I feel accomplished and I feel stronger than I did before. Now I know how much it will hurt (this was my biggest concern - I knew it would become way worse, but I didn't know by how much. They kept asking me my pain threshold and I would try to lowball it because when I wanted to say 6, I was worried it would go up to 20, so I said 4. Knowing what I do now, the only part that was a 15 pain (out of 10) was when my body was pushing, but they told me not to. Everything else was tolerable and indeed for me was about a 6 or 8). I especially feel pleased that I didn't expose my baby to drugs during delivery and now I know what I'm capable of. I know everyone has a different experience, so I'm just sharing my experience. If you're on the fence in deciding on an unmedicated birth, my experience was wonderful and I wouldn't do it any other way - especially since I had a partner that did more than support me every step of the way (from before baby was conceived to well after she's in our loving arms).

What they don't talk about after delivering a baby (coming soon).

Colorado Birth Risks

We moved from Arizona to Colorado about two years ago - and then we started a family. We didn't know it until issues kept cropping up, but high elevation commonly causes complications in newborn infants. If we had known this before, we may have reconsidered Colorado - or at the very least we would have been more prepared about what to expect when our baby was born. If possible, I would definitely avoid having a baby at high altitude. Here are some of the reasons why:

Increased Risk of Preeclampsia: The mother is at a higher risk of developing preeclampsia at high elevation, which can be due to blood pressure issues or hypoxia, as the mother's body may struggle to adapt to the oxygen needs of pregnancy.

Source: High Altitude Reduces NO-Dependent Myometrial Artery Vasodilator Response During Pregnancy

Premature Birth: It is common for areas of high elevation to have more premature births than areas of lower elevation. This may be caused by limited oxygen supplied via the placenta.

Source: Premature birth: a neglected consideration for altitude adaptation

Decreased Birthweight: Many babies born at high elevation are smaller than those born at lower elevation. This may be due to slower growth as a fetus.

Source: High Altitude Continues to Reduce Birth Weights in Colorado

Increased Risk of Pulmonary Hypertension: Infants may have an increased risk of PPHN due to in utero hypoxia and preeclampsia.

Source: Alterations in uteroplacental blood flow precede hypertension in preeclampsia at high altitude

Require Oxygen Therapy: High elevation places have thinner air and less available oxygen. This not only makes it more difficult for visitors or newcomers to breathe, it also affects newborns. Many babies born at high elevation require oxygen supplementation until their lungs become strong enough or are clear of any excess liquid.

Source: An Altitude Adjustment: Implementing a Clinical Practice Guideline in the Newborn Nursery at Moderate Altitude

Possibly Increased Risk of SIDS: If hypoxia plays a factor in sudden infant death syndrome, it would make sense that living in a high altitude with limited oxygen availability would yield a higher rate of SIDS.

Source: Sudden Infant Death Syndrome and Residential Altitude

Possibly Long-Term Effects: If your baby has had any of the above issues or has not gotten enough oxygen, there may be long-term health issues. For example, infants born with a low birthweight (less than 5 pounds, 8 ounces) are at an increased risk of cognitive issues and other health issues.

Source: Long-term developmental outcomes of low birth weight infants

Other Sources: 

Persistent Pulmonary Hypertension in the Neonate (PPHN)

Born in Thin Air: Overcoming the Challenges of Pregnancy at High Elevation

If I had a choice, I would not have a baby in Colorado - or any high-elevation location. I want my baby to have the best chance of having a healthy life and high altitude places just don't want to play nicely. Oxygen is good for the soul - it's one of my favorite drugs, next to chocolate - but it's unfortunately scarce at high altitude.

Our daughter was born weighing nearly two pounds less than both of her parents' birth weights. There was the concern of low to non-existent fluids at the end of term, so they did decide to perform an augmentation of my labor with Pitocin (I had already started feeling contractions two days prior) to deliver that day.

After she was born, everything was fine with her - all of the vitals taken were normal and everyone reported that she was healthy. It wasn't until our 24-hour check that they raised the alarm and decided to get her on oxygen and send her over to NICU. The nurse said her resting heart rate was in the 60s and her O2 levels were low. Two of the nurses reported an irregularity in her heartbeat as well, though others reported no irregularity later on.

She was placed on oxygen and monitored for four days and, after passing the room air challenge, discharged on the fifth day. Her heart issue resolved on its own as she continued to grow. 

As first-time parents from low elevation states, we were very scared for her in the beginning. Come to find out, this situation is common in Colorado. We were not impressed to have been blindsided, so there you go. What we learned in a fearful moment, you can be forewarned.

Learning to Poop

My Newborn Experience

Did you know that babies need to learn how to poop? I didn't! I know it's not technically poop when they're first born - it's meconium - but they're able to poop just fine the first few days (at least mine was). Then all of a sudden, two weeks later, I'm changing out fewer poopy diapers and wondering what is going on - my baby hasn't pooped in two whole days! Is this normal? Well, she doesn't seem painful, she isn't crying excessively. Sometimes she cries inconsolably for a few minutes, but then settles, eats, and is back to sleep. I can tell when she's trying to poop, with her grunting, movements, and adorable facial expressions. But what do you do to help your poor newborn evacuate her bowels and eliminate the discomfort?

Bicycle kicks, belly rubs, and laying her facedown across your thighs while patting her back.

Bicycle Kicks - while baby is on her back, hold her tiny feet and guide her legs in a circular fashion, as if she's riding a bike. My baby tenses her legs up and locks them straight sometimes. No worries - I just move them when I can and sometimes it ends up being straight-leg kicks because she won't bend her knees. That's ok that she's jammed a gear; once she's more mobile and less tense, you can start doing bicycle kicks again. Just don't force her body to do any movement, wait for her to relax her muscles so you can move her legs fluidly.

Belly Rubs - with a little bit of gentle pressure, rub her belly in a clockwise fashion. Start on the bottom left side, go up to her ribs, across her upper belly, and down the right side in a sort of upside-down U shape. This is the direction her intestines move food in, so it should help get things moving in the right direction. I like to do this when she's kicking on her own - she does her own bicycle kicks while I rub her belly.

Lie Baby on Belly Across Your Thighs - if she's very fussy and uncomfortable, try laying her on her belly across your thighs as you sit, then pat her back. This will put pressure on her belly and hopefully ease the discomfort. Patting her on the back can help get the gasses flowing. This is also a good exercise for her head and core because she'll likely try to lift her head up (like Tummy Time, but on your lap).

Using Gripe Water may also help with the discomfort of gas buildup, however consult with your doctor before using it, as it may cause constipation or make constipation worse for your baby.

Hopefully these things will help your baby in their time of need. Be patient with them, as they don't even know how to poop yet. If you have concerns or if it's been a few days with no pooping, consult with your doctor.

The Plan

Hello and welcome to my Mommy Blog - where I muse about my hopes and realities for my child. Please keep all comments respectful, as I am writing this for my own amusement and everyone does things differently.

This is my plan on how I feel I should best raise my children. Things may change as I learn and grow as a mother. I've already made some changes in opinion when she was just a few days old! Life is not static and everything changes. That's why this is a plan - this is what I currently believe I want for my child, though I may discover different options or what I thought was critical really doesn't matter that much.

I hope you enjoy my musings about my plan for my child ;)

I wanted an unmedicated birth for my baby. My sister-in-law, who doubles as a nurse, had five children this way and she talked about it being a magical experience and actually feasible. (This is my word - not hers - she actually said it was the way to go, but I don't tolerate pain very well, so I had my doubts. Now, I would agree with her. If you are able to, as I know not everyone gets the choices they want in their birthing experience, I would recommend considering an unmedicated birth. I'll tell you my Birth Experience here, but I understand everyone has a different experience.) There were a lot of things I ideally wanted for my birth plan, but overall I'm extremely happy with my experience.

I want privacy for all of my children. I am trying to get the word out about our farm, of course! So I have many social media accounts where I post things about our animals, our methods, and all that good stuff. I try to be as transparent about our animals and methods of farming as possible. I want our customers to feel good about our products, our treatment of our animals, and where their food is coming from. However, my own social media decisions and what pictures/videos of myself and animals are just that - mine. I get to choose which images I want to share and which ones are unbecoming. If I were to post a bunch of pictures of my child, first of all her image would be exposed to the world without her consent, and she would have no say in which pictures she would be proud to post. With AI becoming more commonplace and tricky, I would rather avoid the issues that may occur. If you're confused about what I mean, this YouTube video does a great job of relaying the dangers of social media: A Message from Ella / Without Consent. (Note: I did not create or have anything to do with this video - it's just informative for well-meaning parents that are proud of their children and want to share their joy.)

I thought I wanted to delay pacifier use - and I did... for the first four days. Living in Colorado, we have a high elevation, which gives newborns some extra challenges that nobody ever mentioned to me before. If you don't know, here are some of the things I've learned about having a baby at high elevation, just so you can be aware, like we weren't. One of these challenges is that many newborns need to go on oxygen shortly after they're born. This is very common in Colorado or other high-elevation places. The more you know. My newborn was doing great and I would use my pinky and have her father use his to soothe her for the tests that needed done. The nurses tried getting me to use a pacifier to help soothe her, but I had heard in many places how bad this was and it can create nipple confusion - and I really wanted to breastfeed for as long as possible. I was stern on the matter for about four days. Then she continued to pull the oxygen tubes out throughout the day and night, causing her O2 levels to go low. Once she started doing this, I decided oxygen was more important than the fear of nipple confusion, plus she had already been latching pretty good (a little shallow, but not too bad), so I gave the green light on the pacifier. Honestly, now as a newborn, she prefers the natural nipple and will cringe when I try to give her the pacifier most times - she's not confused; she very much knows what she wants. If she didn't have the oxygen situation, I would probably have kept her off the pacifier for longer, but maybe still would have introduced it sooner than the recommended 3-4 weeks. It helps a little bit, though only if she decides it's adequate at the time. I also didn't realize that the pacifier helps reduce the risk of SIDS, so that's pretty great!

I want to limit electronic use as much as possible. I would say no electronics, but let's be honest here, we watch television and I'm on my devices for my business. There's really no way around it in today's society. Plus, monkey see, monkey do - my little monkey will see my attention-deficit moth eyes scrolling uncontrollably through social media and will do the exact same thing. Just hopefully not at a very young age. Instead of giving her a tablet for her second birthday, we'll be chasing her around outside on our farm, pushing her on a swing, swimming in our pond, reading children's books, making projects or meals, baking, and planting seeds together. This is my hope for our family - much less indoor time spent fixated on screens and much more outdoor time and time spent doing meaningful things together.

I believe I want to homeschool my children. I grew up attending public school and I had no issues with it. I actually loved school as a child. I want my children to receive a great education, gain social skills, and improve their confidence. We live on a farm and raise many different animals. I also love gardening and would like to scale up (it has been a hobby up until now because I would end up moving every year, right at planting season or too soon before harvest time). I'm very excited to teach my child the joys of raising our own food, making our own cheese, and living that farmer life. I'm searching for a good system to homeschool my child - because I know I can't teach her everything due to my own limitations. Plus I'm an introvert so I believe my energy would be depleted and have a hard time recuperating if it was all up to me. I was a cognitive trainer for six years and I attended a few homeschooling conventions in Arizona that opened my eyes to the programs available. I'll let you know what programs I find that I like in Colorado Springs.

Allowing her to choose her own path: I want her to explore everything the world has to offer - from farm life to snowboarding, STEM programs and career paths, boating, flying, horseback riding, and all the sports - you name it! I want her to find something she enjoys (or multiple somethings) - and know that it's okay if she changes her mind, grows out of it, or doesn't like it to begin with. As long as she tries it to find out if she likes it, I'll be supportive.

And more things I haven't really considered yet ;)

I do know that I have my own personal struggles as an adult due to my own childhood upbringing. With this recognition, I can hopefully avoid giving my daughter the same issues I face. I understand that all parents try their best and all parents fail - nobody is perfect. But hopefully my daughter will have fewer psychological issues than me and can cope well with the inevitable issues she'll unfortunately develop. With my issues I'm aware of (maybe I'll write about some of them later on), I must remind myself to have more patience and tolerance for misbehavior. This may sound strange and enabling, but I grew up as a people-pleaser. I would never do anything wrong (for the most part), I would help everyone at the drop of a hat (not even considering my own personal desires or comfort), and I had this internal sense that I needed to be perfect at everything I did. Everyone, including teachers, loved me and complimented my great behavior and skill. It felt good. But it's not healthy. I grew up anxious and I've never known calmness, save for a couple of moments as an adult. I feel guilty all the time, no matter what I do or don't do. I'm emotionally underdeveloped which puts strain on my relationships. I do not wish this for my daughter. I want her to know that she is allowed to feel different ways. She's allowed to say no to things she doesn't want to do (though not all things can be avoided, only some things). She isn't and does not have to be perfect - nobody is, and to think you are is setting you up for shame and guilt - neither of which she should ever feel for being herself. So, yes, I will tolerate tantrums and meltdowns. I will tolerate her telling me no. I will tolerate misbehavior. She's learning and developing coping skills and cognitive skills. I won't be a pushover parent, however. When she has a tantrum, I will help her work through it by modeling calm behavior until her brain is developed enough to regulate her emotions herself. We'll work on appropriate responses and behaviors to external stimuli, including disappointment. This is my goal on how to raise her to become a well-rounded and healthy adult. Easier said than done, but we're on this ride together, so let's enjoy it :)

Anyway, this is my little list and my little rambling. Who knows what I'll add, subtract, or change entirely! Life is ever changing as we grow and develop. I'm excited to give my daughter the best life I possibly can. And I hope I don't fail too bad.

Plague in the Western United States

I've heard about it in the past when I lived in Phoenix, Arizona, though I didn't pay much attention to it, living in the city with minimal wildlife present. However with our recent move to the country of Colorado Springs, CO, our new neighbor introduced himself and told us some important things about the area, including that this area has the Plague present, carried primarily by wild rodents and their fleas.

Plague, infamously known as the Black Death from the mid-14th century, is caused by the bacterium Yersinia pestis and is spread primarily through rodents and their fleas, however other mammals, especially cats, carry and spread it as well.

Plague is an infectious and deadly disease, if not promptly treated with antibiotics. If you visited an area known for inhabiting the Plague (see maps here) and you begin to feel sick, you should seek medical attention immediately, as treatment for the Plague must be given quickly to prevent complications or death. 

There are three common forms of Plague, each dependent on how the infection occurred:

Bubonic Plague - typically contracted through the bite of an infected flea, patients develop fever, headache, chills, weakness, and one or more painful, swollen lymph nodes. The incubation period is 2-8 days from exposure. The bacteria can spread to other parts of the body if not treated with the appropriate antibiotics.

Septicemic Plague - contracted through the bite of an infected flea or from handling an infected animal, patients develop fever, chills, extreme weakness, abdominal pain, shock, and possibly bleeding into the skin and other organs. Necrosis (turning black and dying) of the skin and other tissue may occur, especially the fingers, toes, and nose. Septicemic plague may be the first symptom of plague or may develop from untreated bubonic plague. The incubation period is not well known, but likely occurs within days of exposure.

Pneumonic Plague - occurs when bacteria is spread to the lungs via untreated bubonic or septicemic plague or via the inhalation of infectious droplets coughed out by another person or animal with pneumonic plague. This is the most serious form of the disease and is the only form of plague that can be spread from person to person. Patients develop fever, headaches, weakness, and rapidly developing pneumonia with shortness of breath, chest pain, coughing, and sometimes bloody or watery mucous. The incubation period can be as short as +1 day following the inhalation of bacteria.

Due to the nature of how the plague is spread, it is recommended to limit your exposure to rodents and wildlife. Discourage rodent habitats around your home and places you frequent. Reduce shelter by clearing away brush, firewood, rock piles, and other debris. Ensure your home and outbuildings are rodent-proof. Eliminate food sources, including pet food, bird seed, and other wildlife feeders.

Properly dispose of dead animals found on your property (contact your local health department with any questions regarding the disposal of dead animals). If you must handle a potentially infected animal, wear gloves to prevent skin contact with the plague bacteria. Be aware that the animal may have had fleas living on it and would be seeking a new host; the fleas may bite you to see if you are a suitable host - and they may be carrying the plague.

Use a repellent if you believe you may be exposed to fleas during activities, such as camping, hiking, or working outdoors. Follow the instructions on your desired repellent. Keep fleas off your pets by using veterinary-prescribed flea and tick prevention, such as NexGard or Simparica (or Revolution for cats). It's best to keep your pet on the prescribed prevention year-round, even in cold climates. If your pet becomes sick, seek veterinary attention as soon as possible.

If your pet roams free in an area endemic to plague, do not allow them to sleep in your bed to prevent the likelihood of a rogue flea they picked up entering your bed and biting you.

Again, if you, someone you know, or your pet begin to feel sick after being in an area endemic to the plague, seek medical attention immediately to avoid complications or death from plague. (See Map)

Source: CDC.gov/plague

Plant Nutrients

Plants need more than just soil, moisture, and sunlight to thrive. They also need nutrients, especially if they're planted in a pot or bed, since the nutrients can leach out the bottom over time. It's always wise to start your plants off right by adding compost, aged manure, or leaf mold to the soil before planting. These materials will slowly feed your plants over the growing season, while also increasing the beneficial organism population and build soil structure, allowing for better moisture retention, drainage, and airflow. Compost is great, but oftentimes, your plants need more nutrients at a given time. This is where fertilizers come in handy.

Organic fertilizers are always a great option, as it is a natural way to feed your plants without risk of burning them or creating nutrient run-off. Organic fertilizers slowly feed your plants over time and improve soil structure and drainage. Fertilizers may contain macronutrients and micronutrients, depending on the type of fertilizer used.

Macronutrients are the essential nutrients needed in fairly large quantities. These macronutrients are essential for plants to perform a multitude of functions, however some main functions each of the three macronutrients provide for plants are listed below.

Macronutrients' Main Functions:

• Nitrogen (N) - Chlorophyll synthesis or leafy growth (too much late in the season can cause leaf bloom, but no fruit), increases protein content
• Phosphorus (P) - Root growth and fruiting, as well as cell development and early seedling growth
• Potassium (K) - Supports disease resistance and hardiness, as well as water transport and crop yield, reduces water loss

You will often find the macronutrients listed as the N-P-K ratio on fertilizers in the garden center, so you can know how much of each macronutrient you're adding to your soil.

Organic fertilizers (with typical NPK ratios*) include: 
❀ Nitrogen (N):
        ▻ Blood meal (12-0-0)
        ▻ Feather meal (12-0-0)
        ▻ Manure
               ▹ cow (3-2-1)
               ▹ horse (0.5-0.2-0.6)
               ▹ goat (ranges: 0.7-0.3-0.5 to 1.1-0.5-0.8)
               ▹sheep (ranges: 0.7-0.3-0.5 to 1.2-0.5-0.9)
               ▹rabbit (2.4-1.4-0.6)
        ▻ Aged chicken manure (ranges: 3-2.5-1.5 to 6-4-3)
        ▻ Fish meal (10-5-0)
❀ Phosphorus (P):
        ▻ Bone meal (3-15-0) plus calcium
❀ Potassium (K):
        ▻ Alfalfa meal (2.5-0-2.5)
        ▻ Wood Ash (ranges: 0-1-3 to 0-1-2) (alkaline, so used to treat acidic soil)
        ▻ Kelp meal (1-0-2)

Compost options (with variable NPK ratios) include:
 ▻ Compost (ranges: 0.5-0.5-0.5 to 1-1-1)
 ▻ Vermicompost (ranges: 1-0-0 to 5-5-3)
 ▻ Worm tea (varies 1-1-1)
 ▻ Leaf mold (ranges: 0.5-0.5-0.5 to 1-1-1)
 ▻ Mushroom compost (varies 1-1-1)

*The NPK ratios listed here are typical for these products, but may differ from actual products available

Micronutrients are also required, but in smaller quantities than macronutrients. Sometimes, these micronutrients are already readily available in the soil and you don't have to add extra.

Micronutrients' Main Functions:

• Boron (B) - Cell wall formation & stability, membrane structure & function, transport of sugar, and pollination & seed set
• Second most commonly deficient micronutrient
• Calcium (Ca) - Balance organic acids within the plant, cell wall formation, leaf and root growth, increasing microbial activity, and nutrient uptake
• Chlorine (Cl) - Stomatal regulation and osmotic adjustments (minimizing water loss during hot, dry periods), nutrient transport
• Taken in as Chloride (Cl-)
• Copper (Cu) - Activates enzymes and catalyzes reactions, helps with chlorophyll and seed production, and aides in Vitamin A production
• Iron (Fe) - Energy transfer, nitrogen reduction & fixation, and lignin (plant cell wall) formation, carries oxygen to the roots
• Magnesium (Mg) - Respiration, photosynthesis, and carries phosphate (helping with root formation and increasing nutrient & water uptake)
• Source: Dolomitic limestone (provides Ca and Mg and neutralizes soil acidity)
• Manganese (Mn) - Accelerates germination and growth, builds chlorophyll, increases availability of P and Ca 
• Sulfur (S) - Synthesizes certain amino acids (cysteine and methionine) as well as proteins, formation of chlorophyll, photosynthesis and winter hardiness, seed production, and nitrogen fixation in legumes
• Zinc (Zn) - Increases yield, protein synthesis, growth regulation
• First most commonly deficient micronutrient

Rarely Deficient Micronutrients:

• Molybdenum (Mo) - Nitrogen metabolism and symbiotic N fixation of Rizobium in legumes
• Rarely deficient; toxic in excess (especially to grazing animals)
• Nickel (Ni) - helps urease catalyze urea (H2NCONH2) to ammonium ion (NH4+) which plants use as a source of nitrogen

Non-Fertilizer Nutrients:

• Hydrogen (H) - Plant respiration and photosynthesis, building energy, structure
• Carbon (C) - Used as energy to build carbohydrates, cellulose, lignin, protein, and starches
• Adding dead plant matter and animal waste† to your compost heap provide carbon to your compost, balancing out your compost pile
• Oxygen (O) - Cellular respiration, photosynthesis, and energy
• Only a small amount of oxygen is stored and used by plants, the rest is released as a byproduct (and then animals breathe it in :)

†Be cautious of the animal waste you choose to add to your compost pile, as some animal waste has more pathogens than others (good options include herbivorous animal waste)

Source: https://www.cropnutrition.com/crop-nutrition/key-nutrients/

How to know if your plant is deficient?

You can always test your soil to find out a lot of information about the makeup of your soil. It's wise to do this at the start of every season, just so you know what your soil lacks and what your soil already has plenty of. If you choose not to test your soil, you can give your plants a well-balanced organic fertilizer for the specific needs of your plant, as well as providing plenty of compost. Watch your plants for signs of distress. They may not be able to speak, but they do show signs when they're unhappy. Unfortunately, plants can show similar symptoms for a wide range of issues, so you need to use some investigative skills to figure out how to help your plant.

Montana State University has a great flow chart to help figure out what nutrients your plant is lacking.

Source: https://landresources.montana.edu/soilfertility/nutrientdeficiency.html

Mobile vs Immobile Nutrients:

Mobile nutrients freely move throughout the plant and go to the newer, younger leaves. If your plant is deficient in mobile nutrients, the younger leaves will appear healthy and the older leaves will appear discolored, curled, unhealthy, or fall off.
    Mobile Nutrients: Cl, K, Mg, Mo, N, P

Immobile nutrients remain where they are and cannot move to the newer growth. If your plant is deficient in immobile nutrients, the older leaves will appear healthy and the newer leaves will appear discolored, curled, unhealthy, or fall off.
    Immobile Nutrients: B, Ca, Cu, Fe, Mn, S, Zn

Updates on how to apply micronutrients coming soon.

Dirt vs Soil

Let's talk dirt!

Dirt is dead - it's not at all what you want to grow your plants in. Don't misunderstand, I'm not promoting commercial potting mixes or bagged soil you purchase in garden centers. You can certainly use natural "dirt" from the ground or what you have on hand (even old, dry, used potting mix left and forgotten from previous seasons). However, the difference between dirt and soil: life. 

Dirt is dead, devoid of all beneficial organisms (both macro and micro). There is no life in dirt, rendering it useless as a growing medium for your plants. Soil, on the other hand, is filled with beneficial organisms. This may include worms, earwigs, rolly polies, centipedes, fungus, springtails, and many more macroorganisms, or this may include microorganisms such as mycorrhizal fungi and nitrogen-fixing bacteria. 

How can I tell if I have dirt or soil in my garden/planter?
If you look closely at your medium and dig a little bit, you may find some beetles, earwigs, or other soil creatures if you're working with soil. If you notice your medium is dry, hard, caked, or otherwise devoid of moisture, it's likely dirt at this point and cannot support life - including your beloved plant. 

How can I use dirt if it's useless to support life?
    If what you're working with is dirt (dry, devoid of life), there's still hope! You don't have to toss it and purchase new soil from a garden center (though, you can certainly purchase more soil and/or compost if you don't have enough already). 
    You can bring life back in to the old dirt you have on hand, starting with rehydrating the medium. Oftentimes, it's difficult to rehydrate old potting mix, since it's often made with peat (learn why conscientious gardeners are avoiding peat products, coming soon), which is great at holding on to moisture when it remains damp, but when it dries out, it's very difficult to rehydrate without a good, thorough mixing and soaking. 
    Once you've rehydrated your dirt, you can start adding amendments to it, such as compost, vermicompost (worm castings), manure, leaf mold, bio-char, coconut coir, gypsum, vermiculite, perlite, lime, sulfur, or potash, among others. (We'll go into more detail about all these soil amendments in another article.) Depending on your plant's needs will determine which amendments you want to mix in, however for all plants, compost and vermicompost are always good options. Depending on if your plant needs a lot of nutrients or prefers a more nutrient-deprived medium will determine how much compost and other nutrient-rich components you want to add. 
    Using compost or vermicompost are great options to inoculate your dirt with beneficial microorganisms (and possibly macroorganisms) as well. By transferring and mixing in healthy compost, you're introducing all the organisms that have been breaking down the organic matter into your newly-revitalized medium and creating a living environment in which your plants can thrive. The compost also does a great job of slowly releasing nutrients to your plants over time. You may want to add some organic fertilizers, such as blood meal, bone meal, or kelp meal, to your medium as well (more about these and other organic fertilizers) to encourage healthy plant growth.

And voila! You just recycled/repurposed/revitalized (whatever term you want to throw in there) your dead dirt into living, life-giving soil, saving you money and waste, and allowing you to grow new plants in your newly-restored soil medium.

If you don't want to revitalize your old potting mix, don't throw it in the trash (unless you had pests or diseases infiltrate it). If it was just used and dry with no concerns about harmful organisms, go ahead and compost it - it'll get processed by the organisms in your compost heap and be ready to feed your plants next season.