The Plan

Hello and welcome to my Mommy Blog - where I muse about my hopes and realities for my child. Please keep all comments respectful, as I am writing this for my own amusement and everyone does things differently.

This is my plan on how I feel I should best raise my children. Things may change as I learn and grow as a mother. I've already made some changes in opinion when she was just a few days old! Life is not static and everything changes. That's why this is a plan - this is what I currently believe I want for my child, though I may discover different options or what I thought was critical really doesn't matter that much.

I hope you enjoy my musings about my plan for my child ;)

I wanted an unmedicated birth for my baby. My sister-in-law, who doubles as a nurse, had five children this way and she talked about it being a magical experience and actually feasible. (This is my word - not hers - she actually said it was the way to go, but I don't tolerate pain very well, so I had my doubts. Now, I would agree with her. If you are able to, as I know not everyone gets the choices they want in their birthing experience, I would recommend considering an unmedicated birth. I'll tell you my Birth Experience here, but I understand everyone has a different experience.) There were a lot of things I ideally wanted for my birth plan, but overall I'm extremely happy with my experience.

I want privacy for all of my children. I am trying to get the word out about our farm, of course! So I have many social media accounts where I post things about our animals, our methods, and all that good stuff. I try to be as transparent about our animals and methods of farming as possible. I want our customers to feel good about our products, our treatment of our animals, and where their food is coming from. However, my own social media decisions and what pictures/videos of myself and animals are just that - mine. I get to choose which images I want to share and which ones are unbecoming. If I were to post a bunch of pictures of my child, first of all her image would be exposed to the world without her consent, and she would have no say in which pictures she would be proud to post. With AI becoming more commonplace and tricky, I would rather avoid the issues that may occur. If you're confused about what I mean, this YouTube video does a great job of relaying the dangers of social media: A Message from Ella / Without Consent. (Note: I did not create or have anything to do with this video - it's just informative for well-meaning parents that are proud of their children and want to share their joy.)

I thought I wanted to delay pacifier use - and I did... for the first four days. Living in Colorado, we have a high elevation, which gives newborns some extra challenges that nobody ever mentioned to me before. If you don't know, here are some of the things I've learned about having a baby at high elevation, just so you can be aware, like we weren't. One of these challenges is that many newborns need to go on oxygen shortly after they're born. This is very common in Colorado or other high-elevation places. The more you know. My newborn was doing great and I would use my pinky and have her father use his to soothe her for the tests that needed done. The nurses tried getting me to use a pacifier to help soothe her, but I had heard in many places how bad this was and it can create nipple confusion - and I really wanted to breastfeed for as long as possible. I was stern on the matter for about four days. Then she continued to pull the oxygen tubes out throughout the day and night, causing her O2 levels to go low. Once she started doing this, I decided oxygen was more important than the fear of nipple confusion, plus she had already been latching pretty good (a little shallow, but not too bad), so I gave the green light on the pacifier. Honestly, now as a newborn, she prefers the natural nipple and will cringe when I try to give her the pacifier most times - she's not confused; she very much knows what she wants. If she didn't have the oxygen situation, I would probably have kept her off the pacifier for longer, but maybe still would have introduced it sooner than the recommended 3-4 weeks. It helps a little bit, though only if she decides it's adequate at the time. I also didn't realize that the pacifier helps reduce the risk of SIDS, so that's pretty great!

I want to limit electronic use as much as possible. I would say no electronics, but let's be honest here, we watch television and I'm on my devices for my business. There's really no way around it in today's society. Plus, monkey see, monkey do - my little monkey will see my attention-deficit moth eyes scrolling uncontrollably through social media and will do the exact same thing. Just hopefully not at a very young age. Instead of giving her a tablet for her second birthday, we'll be chasing her around outside on our farm, pushing her on a swing, swimming in our pond, reading children's books, making projects or meals, baking, and planting seeds together. This is my hope for our family - much less indoor time spent fixated on screens and much more outdoor time and time spent doing meaningful things together.

I believe I want to homeschool my children. I grew up attending public school and I had no issues with it. I actually loved school as a child. I want my children to receive a great education, gain social skills, and improve their confidence. We live on a farm and raise many different animals. I also love gardening and would like to scale up (it has been a hobby up until now because I would end up moving every year, right at planting season or too soon before harvest time). I'm very excited to teach my child the joys of raising our own food, making our own cheese, and living that farmer life. I'm searching for a good system to homeschool my child - because I know I can't teach her everything due to my own limitations. Plus I'm an introvert so I believe my energy would be depleted and have a hard time recuperating if it was all up to me. I was a cognitive trainer for six years and I attended a few homeschooling conventions in Arizona that opened my eyes to the programs available. I'll let you know what programs I find that I like in Colorado Springs.

Allowing her to choose her own path: I want her to explore everything the world has to offer - from farm life to snowboarding, STEM programs and career paths, boating, flying, horseback riding, and all the sports - you name it! I want her to find something she enjoys (or multiple somethings) - and know that it's okay if she changes her mind, grows out of it, or doesn't like it to begin with. As long as she tries it to find out if she likes it, I'll be supportive.

And more things I haven't really considered yet ;)

I do know that I have my own personal struggles as an adult due to my own childhood upbringing. With this recognition, I can hopefully avoid giving my daughter the same issues I face. I understand that all parents try their best and all parents fail - nobody is perfect. But hopefully my daughter will have fewer psychological issues than me and can cope well with the inevitable issues she'll unfortunately develop. With my issues I'm aware of (maybe I'll write about some of them later on), I must remind myself to have more patience and tolerance for misbehavior. This may sound strange and enabling, but I grew up as a people-pleaser. I would never do anything wrong (for the most part), I would help everyone at the drop of a hat (not even considering my own personal desires or comfort), and I had this internal sense that I needed to be perfect at everything I did. Everyone, including teachers, loved me and complimented my great behavior and skill. It felt good. But it's not healthy. I grew up anxious and I've never known calmness, save for a couple of moments as an adult. I feel guilty all the time, no matter what I do or don't do. I'm emotionally underdeveloped which puts strain on my relationships. I do not wish this for my daughter. I want her to know that she is allowed to feel different ways. She's allowed to say no to things she doesn't want to do (though not all things can be avoided, only some things). She isn't and does not have to be perfect - nobody is, and to think you are is setting you up for shame and guilt - neither of which she should ever feel for being herself. So, yes, I will tolerate tantrums and meltdowns. I will tolerate her telling me no. I will tolerate misbehavior. She's learning and developing coping skills and cognitive skills. I won't be a pushover parent, however. When she has a tantrum, I will help her work through it by modeling calm behavior until her brain is developed enough to regulate her emotions herself. We'll work on appropriate responses and behaviors to external stimuli, including disappointment. This is my goal on how to raise her to become a well-rounded and healthy adult. Easier said than done, but we're on this ride together, so let's enjoy it :)

Anyway, this is my little list and my little rambling. Who knows what I'll add, subtract, or change entirely! Life is ever changing as we grow and develop. I'm excited to give my daughter the best life I possibly can. And I hope I don't fail too bad.